So I Move on

Its been a long time  since I wrote on here but one is for sure he is still in my oh so complicated life.

Everybody thinks we are lovers however we are not, well not until recently, when we let it get complicated again.

I was happy being friends with the flirting and the cheeky banter, people making incorrect assumptions.

But then you went and changed that by kissing me and all the feelings I had suppressed for you resurfaced to the surfaced and this time I cant get rid of them.

Things are so wierd for us right now and I wish so that I could take this all back and go back to the cheeky flirting and not feeling awkard.

I miss my friend that guy who was there for me no matter what the one I love dearly with all my heart, yeah I get jelouse sometimes but I never wanted t be the girl you hurt.

What angers me and frustrates me is I know you feel the same I could tell from that kiss it was different from that silly drunken moment 5 years ago there was feeling and, then our affair started its so wrong but felt so right and then it ended but we still harbour this torch for one another both of us trying to avoid the situation again.

But now I must let you go, it breaks my heart as I am losing my best friend but I have to move on in order to regain happiness for both of us.

Just know that I love you (A) and that I always will xx

I dont want it to stop

I can’t get you off my mind
I have never felt this way before
I think about you day and night and in my dreams

I think about your touch
And your soft lips

How much I want to hold you again
And feel you again
Your warm hands caressing me
Your soft lips kissing me

Like they once did

I hear a song and it reminds me of you
I picture smile and hear your doofy laugh

My heart flutters when I hear your voice
I get butterflies when I know I am going to see you
And when the phone beeps or rings from you

I dare ask my self am I Love with you
Or just Lust
Either way I do not want it to stop
This feeling
This wanting
This needing
This dreaming

I don’t want it to stop

I wonder......

More poetry I am in a creative mood these last few days!!!

I Wonder …….

I wonder if you think of me
Like I think of you
I wonder if you Dream of me
Like I dream about you

I wonder if you want my Kiss
Just like I want yours
I wonder if you want to hold me
Like I want to hold you.

I wonder if you hear a song and remember me
Just like I remember you
I wonder if you Love me
The way I love you

I wonder…………..

I am in the mood t o write some poetry today so I thought I would upload one from the heart I wrote today it just came to me!!!

Be Mine

I knew when I first saw you.
From the look in your eyes
There was something special about you and I
We seemed to just click

I couldn’t deny the attraction
Even though I knew it was wrong
You made me laugh
You made me smile
In a way I hadn’t in a long while

All along it was wrong
Taboo
I was with another love

But still I cannot get you out of my mind
I see you
I remember our kiss
Your touch
Your smile

And I want you
I want you more and more
But still I am with another love
And so are you.

I see you look at me from the corner of my eye
I still feel the attraction between you and I
I know you feel it too

What do we do
I have to be near you
I need to be near you
You are like a drug
An addiction
Which I need a fix

My heart burns and craves you
Your smile
Your laugh
Your touch
Your Kiss
Your Heart
Your mind, spirit body and soul

I need you
I want you
Be mine

How Can she tell Him!!

I guess sometimes there are relationships that are just not meant to be!!
I have a friend who is crazy about this guy.
He is somewhat younger than her.
But she feels like they are kindred spirits.
Problem is He has a girlfriend and she has a boyfriend who she has been with for quite sometime!!

Now at the beginning of the year her and her fella were going through a bad time so she was a little drunk and a little stupid, she met this guy and they got on really well he made her, laugh paid her attention and most importantly made her feel good about herself which is something which was lacking in her own relationship.

Chelsea lets call her met him and found an instant connection with him, there was something about him and on new years eve could really feel this. We all noticed it too that he was paying more attention to her than anyone else, when the clock struck midnight he tried to kiss her but she turned away as of course her thoughts were with her boyfriend who wasn't there with her but to be honest never really is, for the rest of the night he paid her so much attention and she gave him her number to be honest at that point I think she was only looking at him as a friend although she did say to me that he was good looking but very young.

Now John we will call him he really is a nice genuine guy and I can see why she likes him!! as he reminds us of someone from her past, someone she loved very dearly, anyway to cut a long story short they got closer and end they did end up having for want of a better word an affair it was brief, now at this point he was single and not with anyone but obviously she was with someone and she came to her senses, and what made matters worse was that her friend also liked him and as he knew he could go further with her he decided he was going to date her.

Now so I am told by others that he still with this other girl but doesn't love her and he has admitted to a mutual friend that he Loves Chelsea, which has kind of messed her head up as she had got over him and now although he is with this girl he is paying her attention again, now she hasn't said but i know she really likes him, I would go as far to say she may even have fallen in Love with him, although she would never admit that to anyone, but she doesn't shut up about him.

I suppose the dilemma she faces is risks losing everything if she chooses him as it may not work, but I still think that they should be honest with each other and tell each other how they feel as everyone can see it and I think even his girlfriend is picking up on it although she would never let him go.

So i beg the question should she tell him !!!

Memories of Cornwall

My mum moved to Illogen a small village in Cornwall England about 3 years ago form Acton West London, I did not go with her I was a London girl and in a relationship, I guess I was apprehensive about her move as she had been ill.

Since then I have grown to love it there, its so friendly and calm people say good morning and afternoon to you no matter what age they are, which for a London girl is refreshing as as I have grown up London has become less friendly as time goes by, I went East Acton recently where I grew up and lived there for most of my life and spent my childhood. Gone is the once friendly place I new and loved, I felt like a stranger in an area I once knew everyone. I guess people move on.

I went to Cornwall last week and I had such a great time it was just for a weekend just to get out of London was great.

I have never really took notice of the beauty of the English country side however during this trip I opened my eyes to it.

The beautiful Green Fields so natural and untouched the animals without a care in the world life is so uncomplicated for them.

As I walked down to beach on a 3 mile journey it took about 30 minutes my sister and I walked down this long desalinate road which seemed never ending all that stood on either side of us was fields, not sure if we were going the right way praying that we would find someone who could point us or just confirm we were going the right way eventually we came across what looked like a farm and a lady was walking her dog.

There is human life form after all I laughed to my sister in jest, the kind lady assured we were on the right direction and showed us the correct way, we went down the path and through the corn fields on either side of this path, then we came to some chalets and yes through some more fields.

It was just after this I felt a sudden beauty and peace through me as we then turned in some woods which was up hill surrounded by trees and the birds singing in the trees and wild colourful flowers around, I looked down and there was a stream running through it. It felt so tranquil and peaceful, the ducks paddling along the water and It seemed untouched I had to take a photo and cherish the memory.

We carried on walking through this beautiful woodland and eventually came to a street we could here music in the distance eventually we came to the beach beautiful blue sea oh I do love Cornwall.

So now as I look back the girl from east Acton and all the apprehension I had of my mum going to live in Cornwall I am so happy as I can experience this untouched place time and time again with the summer breeze, i cant wait to go again.

Here is the start of a story I have just begun to read, I have always enjoyed writing and recently it has just came to me, I am not the most grammatical of people but hopefully its readable. this is the opening for it, its not complete as yet I would like to see the response to it.

The Case of the Ex’s

Kelly was in a relationship she had been for 8 years and was relatively happy, yes her and Paul had there ups and downs but they were still together.
Things were going great for them they had just got there first flat and generally things were on the up.

So what did she have to complain about you may ask? Nothing really have you ever heard the expression they come along like buses, well that seemed to be the case for Kelly and her ex’s.

It started two years ago when she heard her first love Alex had gone into prison due to some severe drug problems and a marriage break up he went off the rails a bit and done a few things he shouldn't’t have. Now Kelly and Alex were close friends at school and college, and they always maintained they were better off as friends rather than as lovers, it was such a complicated friendship as they were both very jealous of each others love interests, why they never really got together other than the odd few months one will never know.

Anyway Kelly and Alex lost touch for about seven years when he got married, but she never forgot about him, I guess you never do forget your first love.

So how did they get in touch then, well it was Kellys fault really, she always cared about Alex and she had heard on the grapevine that he had gone into prison and that his marriage had broken down, so she found out where he was and she set about writing to him. I suppose she just wanted to see that he was ok as she knew how he felt she had been there but that is a whole another story. I don’t think she really thought she would get a reply from him.

It was two weeks later when she received a letter from Alex and true to rumour he was in a bad way , he had come come off of heroin and crack cocaine he was in wormwood scrubs prison for attacking and mugging a lady at knife point and had received a four year sentence. Of course this upset Kelly as this was not the Alex she knew and loved, in the past he had been totally against drugs and that kind of behaviour god he didn’t even smoke, just shows how people change in time.